Bouncing Around Within My Skull

I finally crafted a new YouTube viddy for you kiddies. You can catch that here.

So I've been accepted by the Psychology program at Indiana University so classes beckon this Fall. Ugh, learning never ends does it? Nearly thirty and embarking yet again on an educational journey. How far I follow this path is anyone's guess. I do hope to pursue graduate studies and eventually start a professional life, yet the artist in me hates any thought of structure and discipline. I am just lust for self-destruction and wild energy.

Seriously though, this past week has been hell. I've been putting in way too many hours at work. I've already crested 36 hours in the past three days alone. Add to that an increase in duties and having to bear an interoffice tryst that I know is going to end badly. No, it doesn't involve me. It involves the new supervisor and one of my fellow female co-workers. What began as playful flirting has really devolved into a subtle game of Chicken as he, the supervisor, is debating when to make his move while the co-worker is trying to find a way to keep him in her pocket without actually having to sleep with him. Good times, good times.

I discovered my grandmother is now in a home. That may sound a bit cruel. I should keep tabs on my elder relations. Even worse is the fact that I haven't seen her in over thirteen years. Don't think I want to make my grand re-entry to her comatose in all but those blank eyes. Have you ever sat in a room with someone who simply stares ahead? You know someone is in there. That's the eerie part.

I am becoming quite annoyed with my shrinking hairline. I might just buzz my scalp again to prevent myself devolving into a comb-over. Jesus, to gradually become what I loathe most: a superficial, aging man trying to coddle himself in some petty, shitty illusion of youth and vitality. God, I need to get laid. Women, please, have mercy on me. Show me I'm still attractive by allowing me a "visit" or the most carnal kind. You won't even know I'm there. Promise.

I've been having to resort to new marketing tactics to sell my novel. The more I work at selling this book the more I come to see the term "business ethics" as the greatest oxymoron of all time. Business Ethics: horse shit I say! The fact that I have to lie and manipualte various individuals and companies is really starting to grate on me. God save us should I ever make it big. I will visit my wrath on anyone wanting my help to "make it". Paying your dues, you really come to hate anyone wanting the quick route.

Oh well, the book sales seem to be reaching that level of constant. Book here, book there, etc. At least it's selling. Now if only the right person picked it up and I got some good publicity to push my name. Ah, that would be nice.

In a u-turn back into my family life, my pops is starting to have heart problems. How to handle this situation I do not know. We never were close and he realizes his mortality now more than ever so he is trying to make up for the first 29 years of my life which he missed. It's so damn awkward, like a boy on his first date. My father doesn't know what to say or how to approach me. He simply doesn't know or understand me and, though I loathe to admit it, I am holding a grudge which isn't allowing me to make it any easier. When the day comes and he dies, will I feel bad that I missed out on the chance of reconciliation?

Oh well, these are a few of the many thoughts keeping me up these many weeks. Maybe now I can finally sleep after jotting them down. We shall see won't we.