Pondering Reality...

I know this site is notorious for its comedic/satirical, rather than overtly intellectual, content. Over the past month I've been mulling around numerous thoughts which have sprung up from my Psychology and Philosophy classes.

First and foremost, the human body is an amazing creation. How it came to be has been endlessly debated for well over a century and a half. Was it evolution? Was it the hand of God? Well, I'm not here to enter the fray of life's origin. I'm just here to posit some of my thoughts for you to chew on. Whether you swallow or spit is really your choice.

My studies have revealed how the human body is constantly evolving. I do not mean over periods of centuries or millennia, I mean during one's lifetime. The human brain is an excellent example with how it rewires and alters its shape and functionality based on stimuli. In effect, our thoughts control and affect us. We are the products of reason, thinking, and reaction.

Now I've believed as far back as I can remember that we create our own realities. There is no real right or wrong. It is what we instill faith in which makes something real. Examples are God creating the universe versus the entire process coming about from a raw, untamed force of energy exploding outward in a "Big Bang". For some the former is real. For others it is the latter. We build our lives around beliefs, create realities from thought.

Where does thought come from? Perception. But what we perceive is governed by the flesh we find ourselves in. What we see, hear, taste, smell, and feel is radically different from other species and thus not real to them. Our reality is not their reality. It is solely ours. Does that make it more important? Does that humble us in knowing there are shared realities? In fact, how would our realities look should our eyes be capable of seeing beyond the limited spectral plain we now perceive or if we were unable to taste.

Philosophy and science can be difficult subjects to bring together. Science requires true quantifiable evidence leading to a single answer for phenomena whereas philosophy is open to interpretation. What philosophy has shown me is how we structure our conscious realities around us, try to explain the reasons we act. Yet science would say we do not act but simply react. We have been reacting since the "Big Bang", or God's shove (whichever you prefer). Every action has been the result of a prior action, known in philosophy as Determinism. Without a prior act a future act cannot be. If one were to follow this theory to its end, then all action began from one single action yet if action cannot happen without prior action then how can action be at all? Surely everything has a beginning and end. But what if that is merely our view of reality corrupting what it truth? We measure time, action, and event based on temporal structure: past, present, future. Does time really function that way or is it merely a construct of our reality based on limited perception? What if life is truly a circle, constant renewal, growth, collapse, etc. What if there is no beginning, no end, but a constant. Science says energy can neither be created nor destroyed. How did this all arise? Is growth impossible? Collapse as well?

In fact, what if our lifetime is the equivalent of a small town nestled in a valley upon the whole of the Earth. All we see and know is what happens in and around us yet we are part of something larger despite not perceiving it. We cannot see what we believe to be tomorrow over the ridge nor yesterday because of a shroud of mist. Yet it is there just as we are. What if every point functions at the same time yet we cannot perceive it. What if time really is more frequency than passing, layers rather a one way road. What if all were now and as easy to touch as the screen you read this upon.

What interests me most about the human form is its ability to manipulate energy, mostly at the subconscious or unconscious level. Thoughts, sensations, sight, etc. are all nothing more than the body converting energy into electrical, chemical, or some other form which is then deciphered and translated by the brain. Our bodies are repositories of energy. Our souls, that initial spark struck by the union of sperm and egg, flares in our flesh. Thus our soul is really manipulated energy. That force out there in space which governs gravity, light, and so much more at the macro level is within us at a sort of micro level. Yet our manipulation of energy is more than the simple process of chemical reaction, kinetic power, or electrical discharge. We manipulate energy into sentience; consciousness. What does that truly mean? In manipulating energy into creating our personalities what does that say about our flesh? What does that say about death? If energy cannot be destroyed do we dissipate into all things? Do we rejoin some lost galactic whole? Or does our energy signature somehow hold? Do we become a packet of energy, like a transmission, which holds together and continues to survive beyond the flesh? If we were to continue beyond physical death what would that type of existence be like?

Science has shown energy is useless without the physical. The physical manipulates energy, turning into a thing of creation. Could life be the evolution of energy? Could we be giving thought to that once raw, unbridled force? From destruction comes construction.

And what does this say concerning the prior subject of Determinism? If everything can only happen due to a prior act, then do we really have choice? Are we bound by some fate instigated eons ago which continues to play on through us? And if we have no choice then are our thoughts really illusions? If we cannot change things, if we have no control over events, then our thoughts can't truly be unique but the combination of prior events, actions, and material. Thus we serve no purpose for ourselves but only for whatever began the process yet if the process began blindly then we are all struggling forward blindly. Is the individual really real or does it exist simply because that is how we perceive the process of existence?

Energy has evolved and continues to do so through the physical world, but if we truly do have some control over it through our bodies then imagine when we are able to consciously manipulate it. I do not mean through machines but by thought. If all began because of some prior event, mindlessly started perhaps, what if our will became powerful enough to break the onward cycle and we became strong enough to alter our reality beyond perception.

So many large ideas. So much muddling and meandering. What do I truly believe? All I can say is I believe in the right to discover. That is the only way to learn.

Bouncing Around Within My Skull

I finally crafted a new YouTube viddy for you kiddies. You can catch that here.

So I've been accepted by the Psychology program at Indiana University so classes beckon this Fall. Ugh, learning never ends does it? Nearly thirty and embarking yet again on an educational journey. How far I follow this path is anyone's guess. I do hope to pursue graduate studies and eventually start a professional life, yet the artist in me hates any thought of structure and discipline. I am just lust for self-destruction and wild energy.

Seriously though, this past week has been hell. I've been putting in way too many hours at work. I've already crested 36 hours in the past three days alone. Add to that an increase in duties and having to bear an interoffice tryst that I know is going to end badly. No, it doesn't involve me. It involves the new supervisor and one of my fellow female co-workers. What began as playful flirting has really devolved into a subtle game of Chicken as he, the supervisor, is debating when to make his move while the co-worker is trying to find a way to keep him in her pocket without actually having to sleep with him. Good times, good times.

I discovered my grandmother is now in a home. That may sound a bit cruel. I should keep tabs on my elder relations. Even worse is the fact that I haven't seen her in over thirteen years. Don't think I want to make my grand re-entry to her comatose in all but those blank eyes. Have you ever sat in a room with someone who simply stares ahead? You know someone is in there. That's the eerie part.

I am becoming quite annoyed with my shrinking hairline. I might just buzz my scalp again to prevent myself devolving into a comb-over. Jesus, to gradually become what I loathe most: a superficial, aging man trying to coddle himself in some petty, shitty illusion of youth and vitality. God, I need to get laid. Women, please, have mercy on me. Show me I'm still attractive by allowing me a "visit" or the most carnal kind. You won't even know I'm there. Promise.

I've been having to resort to new marketing tactics to sell my novel. The more I work at selling this book the more I come to see the term "business ethics" as the greatest oxymoron of all time. Business Ethics: horse shit I say! The fact that I have to lie and manipualte various individuals and companies is really starting to grate on me. God save us should I ever make it big. I will visit my wrath on anyone wanting my help to "make it". Paying your dues, you really come to hate anyone wanting the quick route.

Oh well, the book sales seem to be reaching that level of constant. Book here, book there, etc. At least it's selling. Now if only the right person picked it up and I got some good publicity to push my name. Ah, that would be nice.

In a u-turn back into my family life, my pops is starting to have heart problems. How to handle this situation I do not know. We never were close and he realizes his mortality now more than ever so he is trying to make up for the first 29 years of my life which he missed. It's so damn awkward, like a boy on his first date. My father doesn't know what to say or how to approach me. He simply doesn't know or understand me and, though I loathe to admit it, I am holding a grudge which isn't allowing me to make it any easier. When the day comes and he dies, will I feel bad that I missed out on the chance of reconciliation?

Oh well, these are a few of the many thoughts keeping me up these many weeks. Maybe now I can finally sleep after jotting them down. We shall see won't we.