Man and the Urinal

Despite wanting to forget some of the things I've discovered in public restrooms (and there has been a lot I wish I had never seen), I have noticed an interesting bit of behavior when it comes to men and the urinal. Through naturalistic observation, I have seen man's strange behavioral patterns surrounding the urinal:

• The ashamed type: one who chooses to use the enclosed toilet, safely emptying his bladder behind obscuring partitions despite the readily available urinals for his use because of a fear of someone either a) seeing they pee like the rest of the human race or b) they are terrified at the possibility someone might make a "comparison" between his equipment and theirs if even for mild curiosity versus actual phallic competition. There is also the rare c) the fear someone might ask to touch it, though few are willing to admit to this due to the belief even an inkling of such thinking makes them "gay".

• The social type: one who chooses to occupy the urinal right next to you despite there being urinals a much more comfortable distance away. They may sometimes try to initiate conversation. May induce similar fears as those suffered by the ashamed type (see (b) and (c) under said type)

• The obsessive type: one who refuses to use the toilet or any other urinal save for the one you are using. They will stand there breathing down your neck until you finish. The irony is such behavior tends to force the individual using the urinal to take longer because of the pee-freezing anxiety caused by someone trying to make them hurry up.

• The amnesiac: the one who forgets to flush the urinal immediately after finishing. They usually exhibit the trait of very strong, pungent urine.

• The sprayer: one who manages to get urine everywhere save in the urinal itself. May sometimes even spray their neighbors leading to fears of (b) or (c) under the ashamed type because they were too busy watching their neighbors.

• The staller: one who stands in front of a urinal for extended periods of time doing nothing. Also known as suffering from pee-fright, urinary performance in a public setting.

• The eroto-maniac: one who derives intense pleasure from using the urinal to the point of moaning, smiling, and repeatedly uttering, "Oh, yeah," while in the act of urination.