Dark Days

So I'm feeling quite depressed today. Remembering the past, lost moments. It's so hard facing today let alone tomorrow. I just keep looking backwards at what were better days.

Where am I going in life? I really wish I knew. Over a year and a half ago I thought my marriage was solid, I'd finally get that big break, and somehow realize my purpose in all this. Yet here I am now, divorced and alone, still clumsily feeling my way forward in the dark. Sure I'm closing in on another degree, but that is really me just spinning my wheels.

I want to write. I really do. It's the only thing I enjoy. I've created so much with my mind, given it substance on paper, passed it along via electronic waves throughout the net. And yet here I am still pretty much where I started.

I wonder if I am capable of moving forward. The thought of never accomplishing my destiny, whatever that may be, and dying alone...yeah, I never really thought I'd reach this point in life. After nearly thirty years I still haven't defined myself. I'm just a weathered boulder teetering on the edge of a cliff.

Where did my idealism go? Was it eroded by so many storms? It takes will anymore to keep going. Am I lying to myself or inspiring myself? A good question.

I guess I'm really not past the pain of last year. I'm not sure I ever will be.

I know, I am so depressing. Send me a million dollars, commission some work from me, or marry me! Help build my spirits!!!

Out of boredom I wrote some articles on Wikipedia. Yeah, pathetic, but it keeps the mind limber.

So I guess I'm out of here. I have family visiting for the week. Oh, and by the by, I finally sent some new material off to various publishers. Keep those fingers crossed that someone actually picks my stuff up for print.