Me

I am not expecting anyone to understand the complexity that is me. Neither I, nor my ex-wife, ever understood what I am. I am a miasma of so many emotions; a conflicting series of wants, needs, and desires. Sometimes I wish I were in a different time. A simpler time. I feel so out of place.

I know you don't know what I mean. Maybe you do. I pressed myself so hard in my youth. I had to achieve the impossible as soon as possible. There was not ime to waste. I had to be the prodigy. I had to change the world. When I failed, I faced depression beyond belief. I wanted to be so much more than I am. Then reality finally came and I began to see I am only human. That is an amazing thing.

I loathe those who strive for perfection. Man was never meant to be perfect. We all have flaws. No one will ever be perfect. No one can ever achieve the impossible. I believe that is part of my hatred for Christianity. That faith lashes one for their inablity to live up to a standard; a standard of a man who liekly never existed, and if he did, he did not exist in the form that he did.

The human condition is one of learning. It is a lifetime of stumbling, of discovery, of self-assertion. There are those who do not understand this or who refuse to. I do not hate any race, any sexuality, any view. I realize we are all diffrent. We are all unique. For anyone to hate a person becuase of who they are is short sighted, shallow, and ill-informed. We are all special in our own way.

I know I may be rambling. I am quite intoxicated as it is, but I felt it important to share my views. So many people fail to understand those strangers just a few feet away; fail to hear what it is they wish to express. We are all human beings who speak a shared language, yet are incapable of understanding what we mean.

I'm a solitary man; a lonely man. I wish there were those who understood me. But I have come to realize mine is a lonely path of discovery. I envy you, those who have those to join them on their path of discovery. Learn from these precious moments given to you as I struggle forward hoping to understand why I am and what I was meant to be.

Bush to Increase Funding for Hope-Based Initiatives

WASHINGTON—President Bush announced today that he will sign a bill providing an additional $2.8 billion for private organizations that emphasize the importance of hoping for change.

"This bill acknowledges the immeasurable role of hope in envisioning a better world for everyone," Bush said during a press conference. "Starting today, I ask all Americans to hope together as one nation that the difficult problems that grip our nation will go away someday."

The president's move will help direct federal funds to such groups as the National Hope Foundation, which has been hoping for a cure for cancer for nearly two decades.

"There are many in our country who are without hope," Bush said. "Yet there are many respected organizations in America that are actively hoping things get better. This program will assist these organizations in obtaining government grants, which will allow them to continue the important hoping that must be done."

Among the programs likely to receive funding is Project Hope You Don't Get Sick, a non-profit organization hoping that over 45 million Americans receive the proper health care they need.

Dream Job United, another likely recipient, is a widely acclaimed program in which the ill-prepared and uneducated are trained to hope for job interviews at top companies.

Another project slated for assistance in is a Louisiana-based teen-pregnancy reduction program, in which volunteers hope teens abstain from intercourse.

Under the bill, wish-based initiatives will also be eligible for increased funding. Dozens of independent wishful-thinking foundations, such as America Wishes Things Were Better, expect to receive grants to fund distribution of pennies, wishbones, and birthday candles.

Those with wishes and hopes applauded the president's move, saying that faith alone cannot rectify the nation's social ills.

"Faith-based problem-solving is noble, but we should not discount the power of hope," said veteran hoper Howard Thorndike, who heads the Please Oh Please Institute, a Houston-based wish tank. "'Hail Mary' strategies, for example, are a part of the fabric of our nation, from the football field to the boardroom, and our government ignores such traditions at its peril."

Bush echoed Thorndike's sentiments. "As your president, I have seen firsthand what hoping can do," he said. "I have heard stories of decent people trapped under piles of rubble, and I have hoped that they would be rescued. And eventually, many were. Recently, powerful storms and destructive hurricanes ravaged some of our great cities. I hope that you will join me in wishing that we do not get hit by any more of those."

Bush added: "Laura and I hope every night that good things will happen for our great country. My fellow Americans, I call on you to do the same."